I was dreaming about her, after I read her book, I imagine myself being in her position. Lots of “what if” came into my mind like and sometimes coming to sum up if I ever became like her, it sure feels good. I want to be like her, not entirely but some part of her, being independent at the young age, the pain she overcome and how she shrugged her feelings deep down, way deep down inside of her, so nobody can hurt her anymore. She was cool, i want to meet her, i want to greet her and tell her “you’re wonderful, I admire you.” But I know in reality I was too far headed. But after all of these wants from her, I do have some similarities with that I can tell by myself, her obsessive way of thinking for music, how she compared herself to everyone, how she made some of her mistakes from bad to worst and how she talks to herself, especially how she adores her family. She’s cool, way cool and her book is one of my favorite, great inspiration.
Then after her, you came along. you we’re making fun of me, I got pissed and lay down in the bed, then you came right over beside me, kiss me in the cheeks to my lips and just hugged me. Right there everything was perfect until I woke up with great sorrow knowing that everything was just a dream, especially your kiss, how it feels so real, but everything was just an illusion. I tried my best to sleep again, catching you, wishing i can back in that dream again but no, too late, i was back here in reality again. And I just swallow the whole pill again.